So, in news that has surprised precisely nobody, Since Barry Penner’s departure, his former colleagues are leaving Government life in droves to follow in his footsteps and join the ranks of the Former Liberal Cabinet Members (you should hear their new single… a real toe tapper). It sure was nice of them to space it all out so that it wasn’t totally obvious that’s what they were doing at least. Kevin Falcon today, and apparently another trio tomorrow, including Barry’s Chilli-buddy John Les. Just make sure you remember who started it all.
Oh John Les… you won’t be missed.
Last week, Chuck Strahl, Barry Penner’s Federal BFF and one of Chilliwack’s Three Musketeers (well, Two Musketeers Plus John Les Who Is Also There, I Guess) announced that he would not be running for re-election. Now, being devoted to Barry Penner as I am, I don’t really know too much about Chuck. However, I can say this: he certainly stood next to Barry Penner every so often.
To recognise his outstanding career and his great achievements in the field of Standing In the Frame When Barry Penner Has His Picture Taken, I proudly offer the Chuck Strahl Retrospective Experience, Featuring Barry Penner. Just click here to re-live his accomplishments (for the full effect, be sure to open this in the background.)
Barry Penner’s ongoing feud with his cat Ranger has taken an interesting turn. While Barry and this animal have had their disagreements in the past, it appears that Barry Penner may have finally found a use for his flammable feline. It seems a Facebook crowd is forming to do as Facebook crowds do and determine the next leader of the BC Liberal party. Their chosen candidate? None other than Barry’s very own kitty companion, Ranger. Of course, this makes perfect sense. You get Barry Penner’s cat elected to the top of the BC Liberal totem pole, and you naturally get all the wisdom and experience of the world’s best Former Minister of the Environment And Current Minister of Aboriginal Relations and Reconciliation, but keep Barry Penner free to be his usual Environment-Ministering and Aboriginal-Reconciliationing self. The best of both worlds, I’d say.
Clearly, this is being masterminded by Barry “the puppetmaster” Penner, in a bid to install a new premier that he alone controls with his secret stash of organic catnip and dolphin-friendly tuna fish. It may be a bit of a modification to his master plan, but a well-thought out one, worthy of any Bond villain. What does Barry Penner have to say about this?
“He’s clawing his way to the top.”
- Barry Penner (Vancouver Sun)
Look out, Victoria. Ranger’s coming.
Draft Ranger the Cat for Leader (Facebook)
With El Gordo’s announced resignation, Barry Penner’s plan is finally becoming clear. Here’s what I’ve figured out so far:
- Fix The Environment
- Get transferred out of that dead-end Environment Minister job
- Convince El Gordo to quit (read between the lines of Barry Penner’s comments here… it’s obvious it was Barry Penner’s doing)
- Become the new Premier of British Columbia
- and so forth.
Obviously, we aren’t sure of all the details yet, but it’s clear now that the road to the premier’s office has opened up for the best MLA in existence in the history of the universe. I’d be surprised if they even bother with a leadership convention; it’s obvious that Barry Penner is their man.