Browsing the Weekend Words of Wisdom category...


After a minor leak in Burrard Inlet, Barry Penner decided to take matters into his own hands, wading into the front line, taking on the role of head of BC’s Oil Spill Central.

As The Vancouver Sun explains, Barry Penner may not have totally thought this through…

Problem is, the category of minor leaks is so broad, the minister is now receiving personal dispatches every time a drop of petroleum hits the dirt.

“I’ve been getting numerous messages per day from everything from oil seen in a parking lot in Saanich to yesterday a trucker over fueling his tanker truck near Vernon and spilling approximately one litre of diesel in the parking lot and then mopping it up,” Penner said Monday. – Vancouver Sun

I would like to personally apologize to Barry Penner for the canola oil that I spilled in my kitchen last night while making popcorn. I hope it didn’t distract you from important Ministerial things.

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You may wonder exactly what the process is to determine how much snow there is up in the mountains. It’s actually very complicated, as Barry Penner explains:

The minister said he was in the North Okanagan last week for a snow survey conducted by ministry staff at a course with 10 specific measurement locations that have been assessed in the last 41 years.

“Of the 10 specific places we went to measure snow, eight did not have any snow and two just had little patches. It’s just an indicator there isn’t a lot of snow we can look to to refill the reservoirs.”

- The Globe and Mail

So for those of you who couldn’t follow along, basically what happens is if there isn’t snow on the ground, that is an indicator that there isn’t a lot of snow. Thank you Barry Penner, for demystifying the process!

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By now I assume everyone has read the tale of Barry Penner’s Earth Hour adventures. For those of you that haven’t, here is a rundown: Barry Penner lit his cat on fire. There’s a bit more to the story than that, but nothing that makes any difference, really. Barry Penner, friend to all of The Environment, which includes animals, lit his cat (above, in bow tie) on fire. In his own words:

“We actually enjoyed a very romantic candlelit dinner that was only interrupted when our cat set himself on fire by brushing up against the flame, which caused some excitement,”

Suuuure, the cat set himself on fire. I know my cat does that all the time. It’s not like Barry Penner has a documented history of animosity with this animal. He was just trying to set the mood for a romantic evening with his wife, how was he supposed to know that the cat was flammable?

“It will be a night that we’ll remember for a long time.”

The moral of the story? Barry Penner is a man that knows that revenge is a dish best served on fire (like at one of those fancy restaurants), so don’t get on his bad side. You’ll get burned. And have to wear a goofy bow tie in the newspaper.

Side note: Alternate titles for this post included ‘Barry Penner’s Cat-dle Lit Dinner’, ‘Barry Penner’s Carbon Paw-Print’, and ‘Barry Penner in the Dining Room with the Candlestick’. You are welcome.

Side side note: Barry Penner’s Earth Hour Adventures was the original name of the Saturday morning cartoon that became Captain Planet and the Planeteers. True story.

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Barry Penner has strong words for all of you out there with more… unusual pets:

“Come April 1, if you have one of these alien species you could get a visit from a conservation officer or the police,” said Penner.

- Vancouver Sun

So look out, all of you nefarious alien-loving folks! Hide your tribbles, or face the wrath of Barry Penner!

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Okay, so the Winter Olympics have come and gone, and are generally regarded as a huge success. Best ever, some would argue. Barry Penner has an idea why:

It seems to me these Olympics have been like Expo on steroids,” he said.

-Chilliwack Progress

Way to go, Barry. I think you just disqualified the Olympics from themselves.

How embarrassing.

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