Nov 26
2010

Barry Penner’s ongoing feud with his cat Ranger has taken an interesting turn.  While Barry and this animal have had their disagreements in the past, it appears that Barry Penner may have finally found a use for his flammable feline. It seems a Facebook crowd is forming to do as Facebook crowds do and determine the next leader of the BC Liberal party.  Their chosen candidate? None other than Barry’s very own kitty companion, Ranger. Of course, this makes perfect sense. You get Barry Penner’s cat elected to the top of the BC Liberal totem pole, and you naturally get all the wisdom and experience of the world’s best Former Minister of the Environment And Current Minister of Aboriginal Relations and Reconciliation, but keep Barry Penner free to be his usual Environment-Ministering and Aboriginal-Reconciliationing self. The best of both worlds, I’d say.

Clearly, this is being masterminded by Barry “the puppetmaster” Penner, in a bid to install a new premier that he alone controls with his secret stash of organic catnip and dolphin-friendly tuna fish. It may be a bit of a modification to his master plan, but a well-thought out one, worthy of any Bond villain. What does Barry Penner have to say about this?

“He’s clawing his way to the top.”

- Barry Penner (Vancouver Sun)

Look out, Victoria. Ranger’s coming.

Draft Ranger the Cat for Leader (Facebook)

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Apr 4
2010

It’s Easter, the only holiday to prominently feature wildlife creatures (well, save Moose Wednesday, but who cares about that?).  Here is Barry Penner’s Easter message to the people of British Columbia, as shared by Public Eye Online (starts at about the 30 second mark, though everything before that is still Pure Barry Penner Gold):

So Barry Penner says no to rabbits, no to tribbles, and his actions speak for themselves when it comes to cats… what small fuzzy pets are going to be left? I think perhaps Barry Penner owns stock in a guinea pig farm. It certainly would explain a lot.

Also, was I the only one that thought he’d end the sentence “far too many of them end up…” with “on fire”? I don’t know why, it’s just the first thing that popped into my head. Huh, weird.

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Apr 3
2010

By now I assume everyone has read the tale of Barry Penner’s Earth Hour adventures. For those of you that haven’t, here is a rundown: Barry Penner lit his cat on fire. There’s a bit more to the story than that, but nothing that makes any difference, really. Barry Penner, friend to all of The Environment, which includes animals, lit his cat (above, in bow tie) on fire. In his own words:

“We actually enjoyed a very romantic candlelit dinner that was only interrupted when our cat set himself on fire by brushing up against the flame, which caused some excitement,”

Suuuure, the cat set himself on fire. I know my cat does that all the time. It’s not like Barry Penner has a documented history of animosity with this animal. He was just trying to set the mood for a romantic evening with his wife, how was he supposed to know that the cat was flammable?

“It will be a night that we’ll remember for a long time.”

The moral of the story? Barry Penner is a man that knows that revenge is a dish best served on fire (like at one of those fancy restaurants), so don’t get on his bad side. You’ll get burned. And have to wear a goofy bow tie in the newspaper.

Side note: Alternate titles for this post included ‘Barry Penner’s Cat-dle Lit Dinner’, ‘Barry Penner’s Carbon Paw-Print’, and ‘Barry Penner in the Dining Room with the Candlestick’. You are welcome.

Side side note: Barry Penner’s Earth Hour Adventures was the original name of the Saturday morning cartoon that became Captain Planet and the Planeteers. True story.

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