“These solar panels are a tangible example of how we can take steps to meet our energy needs with a reduced impact on the environment,” Chilliwack-Hope MLA Barry Penner said. “B.C. is blessed with an array of renewable energy options, including wind, hydro and solar energy.” – Chilliwack Times

See? You can take the MLA out of the Environment Ministry, but you can’t take the Environment Minister out of the MLA. Going on about renewable energy and solar power and all that… it’s enough to bring tears to your eye. He may not be in charge of any BC-wide portfolios anymore (after fixing The Environment, Aboriginal Relations, and all crime in BC), but Barry Penner is sure to remain in the public eye, even if it is just in matters pertaining to the eastern Fraser Valley. So, Barry Penner is AWESOME will continue to be your best place to come for information about the best MLA for Chilliwack-Hope ever. I can’t promise frequent updates, but I’ll do what I can.

And of course, you will have noticed that this site has returned to ‘BPiA Classic’. I never really took to the uptight so-called ‘professional’ theme that’s been around here over the last little while.  This will always be BPiA to me.

Clearly, this is being masterminded by Barry “the puppetmaster” Penner, in a bid to install a new premier that he alone controls with his secret stash of organic catnip and dolphin-friendly tuna fish. It may be a bit of a modification to his master plan, but a well-thought out one, worthy of any Bond villain. What does Barry Penner have to say about this?

“He’s clawing his way to the top.”

- Barry Penner (Vancouver Sun)

Look out, Victoria. Ranger’s coming.

Draft Ranger the Cat for Leader (Facebook)

As The Vancouver Sun explains, Barry Penner may not have totally thought this through…

Problem is, the category of minor leaks is so broad, the minister is now receiving personal dispatches every time a drop of petroleum hits the dirt.

“I’ve been getting numerous messages per day from everything from oil seen in a parking lot in Saanich to yesterday a trucker over fueling his tanker truck near Vernon and spilling approximately one litre of diesel in the parking lot and then mopping it up,” Penner said Monday. – Vancouver Sun

I would like to personally apologize to Barry Penner for the canola oil that I spilled in my kitchen last night while making popcorn. I hope it didn’t distract you from important Ministerial things.

By now I assume everyone has read the tale of Barry Penner’s Earth Hour adventures. For those of you that haven’t, here is a rundown: Barry Penner lit his cat on fire. There’s a bit more to the story than that, but nothing that makes any difference, really. Barry Penner, friend to all of The Environment, which includes animals, lit his cat (above, in bow tie) on fire. In his own words:

“We actually enjoyed a very romantic candlelit dinner that was only interrupted when our cat set himself on fire by brushing up against the flame, which caused some excitement,”

Suuuure, the cat set himself on fire. I know my cat does that all the time. It’s not like Barry Penner has a documented history of animosity with this animal. He was just trying to set the mood for a romantic evening with his wife, how was he supposed to know that the cat was flammable?

“It will be a night that we’ll remember for a long time.”

The moral of the story? Barry Penner is a man that knows that revenge is a dish best served on fire (like at one of those fancy restaurants), so don’t get on his bad side. You’ll get burned. And have to wear a goofy bow tie in the newspaper.

Side note: Alternate titles for this post included ‘Barry Penner’s Cat-dle Lit Dinner’, ‘Barry Penner’s Carbon Paw-Print’, and ‘Barry Penner in the Dining Room with the Candlestick’. You are welcome.

Side side note: Barry Penner’s Earth Hour Adventures was the original name of the Saturday morning cartoon that became Captain Planet and the Planeteers. True story.

“Come April 1, if you have one of these alien species you could get a visit from a conservation officer or the police,” said Penner.

- Vancouver Sun

So look out, all of you nefarious alien-loving folks! Hide your tribbles, or face the wrath of Barry Penner!

It seems to me these Olympics have been like Expo on steroids,” he said.

-Chilliwack Progress

Way to go, Barry. I think you just disqualified the Olympics from themselves.

How embarrassing.

“This is another way to celebrate the 2010 Winter Games,” said Environment Minister Barry Penner. “We welcome everyone to drop by SFU or BCIT to check out the cabins.”

(…)

The cabins will highlight BC Parks, and also have information about Climate Action policies, Water Stewardship, and Environmental Protection initiatives with brochures, posters, children’s games, and videos.

- Ministry of Environment News Release

What better way to celebrate the international spirit of sporting brotherhood and competition than by going out to BCIT and checking out a cabin! Environmental Protection initiatives are the new gold medals, after all!

Chilliwack-Hope MLA Barry Penner did not rule out attending the Olympics for free. But he said that if he does so, “It will be in my work capacity representing Chilliwack-Hope and the province of British Columbia.”
- Chilliwack Times

So, we’ll be seeing Barry Penner in the Olympic crowds then? It doesn’t matter if he’s catching some two-man luge or cross-country skiing, Barry Penner always represents Chilliwack-Hope. That’s why he’s the Barry Penner.

“This agreement demonstrates the strong partnership we have established with the State of California and California Air Resources Board,” said Penner. “In the face of uncertainty at international and national levels, we’ve been working across borders and uniting in action as a Province and a State to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and mitigate climate change.”

- CEPA

British Columbia and California teaming up to reduce greenhouse emissions? That’s like Batman and Superman teaming up to… reduce greenhouse gases! The only things that could possibly get in their way are… the states of Oregon and Washington. But really, who cares about those. Buncha hippies.

“It’s been said a fed bear is a dead bear,” Penner said, noting the focus of efforts is to keep bears away from people and their garbage.

“We’re teaching people how to change their behavior so bears don’t get into trouble.”

[Kamloops Daily News]

See, why bother keeping bears away from people, when you can get the people to keep away from the bears. In all fairness, it is easier to teach a bunch of people than it is to train a bunch of bears.