As The Vancouver Sun explains, Barry Penner may not have totally thought this through…

Problem is, the category of minor leaks is so broad, the minister is now receiving personal dispatches every time a drop of petroleum hits the dirt.

“I’ve been getting numerous messages per day from everything from oil seen in a parking lot in Saanich to yesterday a trucker over fueling his tanker truck near Vernon and spilling approximately one litre of diesel in the parking lot and then mopping it up,” Penner said Monday. – Vancouver Sun

I would like to personally apologize to Barry Penner for the canola oil that I spilled in my kitchen last night while making popcorn. I hope it didn’t distract you from important Ministerial things.

The minister said he was in the North Okanagan last week for a snow survey conducted by ministry staff at a course with 10 specific measurement locations that have been assessed in the last 41 years.

“Of the 10 specific places we went to measure snow, eight did not have any snow and two just had little patches. It’s just an indicator there isn’t a lot of snow we can look to to refill the reservoirs.”

- The Globe and Mail

So for those of you who couldn’t follow along, basically what happens is if there isn’t snow on the ground, that is an indicator that there isn’t a lot of snow. Thank you Barry Penner, for demystifying the process!

“Come April 1, if you have one of these alien species you could get a visit from a conservation officer or the police,” said Penner.

- Vancouver Sun

So look out, all of you nefarious alien-loving folks! Hide your tribbles, or face the wrath of Barry Penner!

It seems to me these Olympics have been like Expo on steroids,” he said.

-Chilliwack Progress

Way to go, Barry. I think you just disqualified the Olympics from themselves.

How embarrassing.

“This is another way to celebrate the 2010 Winter Games,” said Environment Minister Barry Penner. “We welcome everyone to drop by SFU or BCIT to check out the cabins.”

(…)

The cabins will highlight BC Parks, and also have information about Climate Action policies, Water Stewardship, and Environmental Protection initiatives with brochures, posters, children’s games, and videos.

- Ministry of Environment News Release

What better way to celebrate the international spirit of sporting brotherhood and competition than by going out to BCIT and checking out a cabin! Environmental Protection initiatives are the new gold medals, after all!

Chilliwack-Hope MLA Barry Penner did not rule out attending the Olympics for free. But he said that if he does so, “It will be in my work capacity representing Chilliwack-Hope and the province of British Columbia.”
- Chilliwack Times

So, we’ll be seeing Barry Penner in the Olympic crowds then? It doesn’t matter if he’s catching some two-man luge or cross-country skiing, Barry Penner always represents Chilliwack-Hope. That’s why he’s the Barry Penner.

“This agreement demonstrates the strong partnership we have established with the State of California and California Air Resources Board,” said Penner. “In the face of uncertainty at international and national levels, we’ve been working across borders and uniting in action as a Province and a State to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and mitigate climate change.”

- CEPA

British Columbia and California teaming up to reduce greenhouse emissions? That’s like Batman and Superman teaming up to… reduce greenhouse gases! The only things that could possibly get in their way are… the states of Oregon and Washington. But really, who cares about those. Buncha hippies.

“It’s been said a fed bear is a dead bear,” Penner said, noting the focus of efforts is to keep bears away from people and their garbage.

“We’re teaching people how to change their behavior so bears don’t get into trouble.”

[Kamloops Daily News]

See, why bother keeping bears away from people, when you can get the people to keep away from the bears. In all fairness, it is easier to teach a bunch of people than it is to train a bunch of bears.

“Out of my own curiosity, I wondered how these would rank compared to other wind-power projects in Canada,” Penner said.

“In the case of Thunder Mountain, it would be almost 50-percent larger than Canada’s next-largest wind project, which is at Wolf Island near Kingston. That one, I think, is 190 megawatts all in.

“Thunder Mountain is proposed at 320 at this stage, and NaiKun would be even more than that.”

[Kelowna.com]

50 percent, 190, 320… so many numbers. That’s some pretty heavy-duty math right there. Ministerial-level math, even.

“Zebra and quagga mussels don’t respect international, state or provincial borders and pose a major threat to the B.C. environment,” said Penner.

Like little shelled terrorists. But don’t worry, Barry Penner has a plan!

“By signing on to the Columbia Basin Rapid Response Plan, we will now be informed immediately if a population of these mussels is detected within the Columbia River basin, and we will gain access to a high level of scientific and operational expertise in dealing with aquatic invasive species.”

[Keremeos Review]

I, for one, will sleep soundly tonight knowing that Barry Penner’s specially chosen Mussel Task Force is on the job, vigilantly protecting BC, nay, The Environment itself, from the major threat of quagga mussels. Quagga mussels, people!